Our Lady of Alice Bhatti by Mohammed Hanif

Author:Mohammed Hanif
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 2010-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Sixteen

“Do you know what happens to men after they get married?” Teddy Butt asks not-Abu Zar as he massages his stomach. “And do you know what happens to women after they get married? Here’s a clue: it’s not the same thing and it has nothing to do with sex.”

The Hilux roars past a huge billboard that announces Spanish villas with french windows and imported kitchens. A shiny couple with a child peer through what must be a french window. Not-Abu Zar looks up and listens with concentration, as if Teddy were giving him career advice.

“Men feel hungry, all the time. I feel an army of rats marching in my stomach and I have been married less than a week. I’ll ask them if we can stop for breakfast on our way back.”

Not-Abu Zar shakes his head enthusiastically, as if he has always worried about the connection between coupledom and hunger. The swelling on his right eye has subsided, the blood has congealed around his lips; he looks like a boy who has botched up his face paint.

“Men constantly feel hungry and women constantly feel sad. That’s what marriage does to them.”

The Hilux leaves the Super Highway and swerves on to a dirt track, and then starts taking what seem like random turns, slowing down then speeding up. In normal circumstances it might be seen as an attempt to lose a tail, but the veterans of G Squad know that at this point Inspector Malangi likes to introduce a bit of confusion in his own team. He doesn’t want them to remember where and how they reached their destination. He doesn’t want any of them to lose their mind in the future and come sniffing back to relive the memory. There are rumours of Malangi’s predecessor losing his three-year-old daughter and becoming so affected by it that he ended up digging up lots of places in Buffer Zone in an attempt to give his victims a decent funeral. It was a huge embarrassment for the department. Malangi doesn’t want any of his men to end up like that. A bit of disorientation also gives a certain edge to the proceedings. The members of G Squad become more alert, they want to do their job and get out. They have come to realise that they are not here to enjoy the scenery.

“Hunger I understand, because you know a man has to work hard every night, sometimes he has to work hard more than once at night, but why do women get sad after getting married? I mean, shouldn’t they be happy? They have found their mate, the father of their future children, the man they will force to work so hard that after his demise they’ll become much sought-after widows.” Not-Abu Zar murmurs something, but Teddy thinks it isn’t a good idea to let him talk at this stage. “Have you heard the one about why the cow looks sad? Did Abu Zar, I mean the real one, your friend in Sweden,

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